I have recently become aware of the situation in Palestine. It was a bit of a shock learning about how the Israeli government is oppressing the Palestinians. I'd heard bits and pieces about it, but never much (either the regular news shows, or a mention here or there). I figured there wasn't that much going on, or we'd hear more about it. Plus, our government has been so solidly behind Israel, so it couldn't be too bad. I was totally wrong, and know better than to just accept that things are ok because the government isn't doing much about it. I can't begin to do justice to the problems over there, so here's a link to the Palestine Solidarity Project. They do a great job of collecting articles, so look there or on Google for info.

The most amazing thing to me is that Israel is violating international laws that were set up primarily in response to the treatment of the Jews during the Holocaust.

I finally got a bike that fits me! She's a 10 speed Pegasus from 80s or 90s (?). She has a lugged steel frame with little gold accents around the lugs, stem mounted friction shifters, a decent saddle (except the fabric absorbs water like it's dying of thirst), 26"x1 3/8" steel rimmed wheels, her paint is in good condition, and everything is currently functional!

I got this bike and a red bike with a step through (women's) frame off Craigslist for $50. When I told Nate that there was a Pegasus for sale on CL he was really excited and wanted to come with me to check it out. His bike Pearl is the only other Pegasus I've ever seen. He bought her in Paris after about a week of searching. He loves that bike! While we were on the MAX to go see the bikes he jokes that if we buy the bike we ot to name it Ruby. It just stuck ^_^ Now we will be cruising round Portland on the only pair of Pegasi I know about ^_^ Sort of sappy/ cute, huh? When we arrived, the man who owned her previously said he bought her at Goodwill for $40.

Potentially boring technical stuff (feel free to skip ^_^)

The only thing that was immediately wrong with Ruby was a flat rear tire. All it needed was two patches (first time I've patched a tire!). I do have plans for improvements even though she's in passible working order. My current front wheel has a big bent spot in it. The wheel is still true, and could be bent back into shape, but I want wider (26"x1 1/2"), aluminum rims and quick release hubs, and I don't currently have the tools to reshape it. It also makes my front brake skip when that spot goes through them. We got a nice front wheel at the Recyclery for $20.  We're also looking at a set of wheels on CL for $50. I hope those work out. They're in good shape, and the rear wheel has a cog set with 9 cogs. I would have an 18 speed instead of a 10 speed. The guy at City Bikes said that I most likely won't have to change my rear deraileur if I get a bigger cog set since I have friction shifters instead of indexed shifters. Eventually I will upgrade both deraileurs that are designed to work with 21+ gears, but that's not going to happen for possibly a year or two. I may switch out the current front cog set sooner because the cogs are very similar in size, so my gears don't have as wide of a range as I would like. I want a leather saddle, but my current one is good enough. I'll just have to remember to carry a plastic bag with me, so I can cover it if it rains. I am willing to invest a bit in the saddle, because I can keep it, even if I do get a different bike, and it will eventually shape to fit me. I have to replace the rear brake cable and tubing because the back part of the tubing was two short and caused the cable to fray. My current brakes may not be long enough for the 26"x1 1/2" wheels because they have a slightly smaller circumference (more stand over height!), but I am confident I can pick up a similar pair for around $5. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep the kick stand on her or not. I also want front and rear racks eventually. I have gotten used to riding with my backpack, so I can also hold off on that. Fenders may be a good idea, but it's so close to the non rainy season that I may be able to hold off and pick up a pair on CL in the summer that are discounted because it's out of season and less in demand. I am going to re-wrap the handle bars. All I need is a discarded inner tube (cheap, recycling, and sort of cute ^_^)

/technical stuff
 
In other news, I get my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. I expect it will be an interesting experience. I'm not sure if I'll make it out to any of the Portland Lindy Exchange. Between my wrists and my swollen chipmunk cheeks, I'll probably be more in the mood for snuggles with Nate.

I go back to work on Monday. Express, my doctor, and Flir couldn't work out anything I could do at Flir, so I'll be doing light duty at Express. Horay for transportation issues! It wouldn't be such a big deal if I could ride my bike from Wilsonville to Tualatin instead of taking two different bus lines (and therefore, paying two fares), but if my wrists could handle riding my bike, I'm sure I'd just be working at Flir. I'm going to miss my co-workers there.

For those of you who don't know what's going on, I have tendonitis in both my wrists. I got it last year and aggravated it recently. I can't do much. Ordinary things (like pouring milk or changing a bike tire) are frustrationgly difficult or not currently possible, and doctor's orders are that I'm not supposed to lift over 5 lbs. It's not too hard to follow- I can't if I wanted to. It's hard to be able to do so little. I'll be glad when I can use my wrists without fear of pain. Thankfully, my family, Nate, and my friends have all been very understanding and helpful.

So basically, life is confusing and uncertain, but I have good friends and a new bike ^_^

My mom forwarded me this NPR essay from For This I Believe. I think you will all appreciate it, even if you do not consider yourselves to be "dancers"


Dancing All the Dances as Long as I Can
by Robert Fulghum

Robert Fulghum has written seven bestsellers including All I Really Need to
Know I Learned in Kindergarten.
A native of Waco, Texas, he was a Unitarian minister for 22 years and taught
painting and philosophy.
Fulghum lives in Seattle and Crete.

"My passion for tango disguises a fearfulness. I fear the shrinking
of life that goes with aging.

October 28, 2007 · I believe in dancing.

I believe it is in my nature to dance by virtue of the beat of my heart, the
pulse of my blood and the music in my mind. So I dance daily.

The seldom-used dining room of my house is now an often-used ballroom - an
open space with a hardwood floor, stereo and a disco ball. The CD-changer
has six discs at the ready: waltz, swing, country, rock 'n' roll, salsa and
tango.

Each morning when I walk through the house on the way to make coffee, I turn
on the music, hit the "shuffle" button and it's Dance Time! I dance alone to
whatever is playing. It's a form of existential aerobics, a moving
meditation.

Tango is a recent enthusiasm. It's a complex and difficult dance, so I'm up
to three lessons a week, three nights out dancing, and I'm off to Buenos
Aires for three months of immersion in tango culture.

The first time I went tango dancing I was too intimidated to get out on the
floor. I remembered another time I had stayed on the sidelines, when the
dancing began after a village wedding on the Greek island of Crete. The
fancy footwork confused me. "Don't make a fool of yourself," I thought.
"Just watch."

Reading my mind, an older woman dropped out of the dance, sat down beside
me, and said, "If you join the dancing, you will feel foolish. If you do
not, you will also feel foolish. So, why not dance?"

And, she said she had a secret for me. She whispered, "If you do not dance,
we will know you are a fool. But if you dance, we will think well of you for
trying."

Recalling her wise words, I took up the challenge of tango.

A friend asked me if my tango-mania wasn't a little ambitious. "Tango? At
your age? You must be out of your mind!"

On the contrary: It's a deeply pondered decision. My passion for tango
disguises a fearfulness. I fear the shrinking of life that goes with aging.
I fear the boredom that comes with not learning and not taking chances. I
fear the dying that goes on inside you when you leave the game of life to
wait in the final checkout line.

I seek the sharp, scary pleasure that comes from beginning something new -
that calls on all my resources and challenges my mind, my body and my
spirit, all at once.

My goal now is to dance all the dances as long as I can, and then to sit
down contented after the last elegant tango some sweet night and pass on
because there wasn't another dance left in me.

So, when people say, "Tango? At your age? Have lost your mind?" I answer,

"No, and I don't intend to."

I just signed up and paid my first bit for my bicycle mechanic course! I'm excited! It's actually possible and I've taken my first steps in the direction I want to go.

Freedom is so close! I'm hoping I will have an awesome set of skills and be debt free before I turn 22 ^_^

(btw- ronekiln, you are already an awesome pirate king ^_~    ....of dance?)

This week has been tougher than usual. I have been very tired at work and irritable. My body is having a bit of trouble recovering after I did a lot of bicycling when I haven't been on my bike for at least a month, and I have still not quite recentered emotionally from the Holidays (I'm not upset in anyway over anything that happened- I had a fun, but strange time, I just haven't found the space to recoup). All of these things have culminated in me falling asleep at work >_< usually while sitting up ^_^

Last night I went to Tuesday Blues and had so much fun that I didn't make it home till late. I was in bed at around 1. I decided to make myself some eggs for breakfast to pamper my body instead of the usual bowl of cereal. I made a quick one-eyed-Jack (egg cooked in a piece of bread like in V for Vendetta). I was amazed by how much of a difference it made! I was wide awake all morning. The day goes by much more pleasantly when you aren't fending off sleep.

I feel like I've just run a marathon- or I imagine this is the emotional equivalent. The kind that you don't want to repeat, but was rewarding non-the-less.

Nate arrived the Tuesday before Christmas. I was so pleased! It's really amazing to have him back. I wasn't able to see him until the day after Christmas because of the weather.

I spent the weekend with the Clackamas kids. We had tons of fun, and I was pleased to hand out Christmas gifts ^_^. I also finally felt free to drink after about two months on nearly no alcohol. I was finally in a situation where I knew I could chill out and enjoy it.

Ian arrived on Sunday. It was good to see him again, although, I didn't quite know what to do with him once he arrived. I hadn't seen or thought about him overly much since we lived together in California. I think one of the side effects of getting over him so quickly was actually dealing with my feelings about him once he arrived. After a few days I was pretty comfortable with him again. Unfortunately, there was some drama surrounding his visit which I don't really need to talk about in detail here. Suffice to say I was surprised that he brought any, and was not pleased about it. He didn't seem to have any trouble being present with me, but it still found ways to intrude on the visit. The visit also had a really strange conclusion. I still don't know what to think of it. I do know that I never want to be in a similar situation again.

Ian and another of my good friends mentioned that I seem more grounded and self possessed. It's very gratifying to hear. I have been seeking balance, and I am encouraged that I have been successful enough so far that there is a noticeable change in me. I am further encouraged that the events of the past week have not managed to undermine my new balance. Yes, I have needed to re-center myself, but I am certain that I will be just fine (if not stronger) as long as I take care of my needs and make sure I create space for rest and reflection.

I don't remember the last time we had this much snow! There is at least 6 inches of it with a nice thick coat of ice on top. It's very pretty. It reminds me of my trip to New York when we went to Niagara falls. All the mist from the falls froze in the air and coated everything. I woke up this morning to load crashes. I figured the snow/ice was slipping off the roof, but it was actually ice coated branches snapping off. Nothing too big. I hope it doesn't damage any of the trees too badly.

I had a good time this weekend. I ended up going into Portland on Friday with my parents. The roads were perfectly clear once we were off our hill and most of the snow was gone. I felt a little silly for calling into work- o well. Daniel had been talking like beer was still a possibility, but flaked out last minute. He said he had to go Christmas shopping with his dad, and didn't want to come to Portland after that because his mom was worried about the winter weather warnings for Saturday (rolls eyes). He's such a worrier! What's better than getting stuck with friends in the snow with beer?
 
I ended up spending the night at Ali's and had lots of fun anyway ^_^ We went to Red Robbin with one of her coworkers when they got off work. The burgers sounded good, but I was craving lettuce. The waiter had the funniest expression on his face when I ordered a pile of lettuce. Ali and her friend had fun teasing me, but I had my bunny food and a pitcher of water, so I didn't care ^_^ I drank the whole pitcher- I must have been dehydrated.

The ride home yesterday was really sketchy. I took the bus from Clackamas TC to Oregon City TC. The bus had chains, but it was still slipping. Then my brother had fun getting us up the hill. I think it was quite the accomplishment.

I hope I'll be able to go to work at least a little this week.

I think a lot of stores will be closing in January. They seem to stay open through December to get the little boost from Holiday sales if they can, but the recession and then the snow probably sealed it. I feel sorry for the owners and employees, but I'm interested to see what next Holiday season is like and what things are like in five years. Maybe consumption will back off and people will focus more on each other than on stuff. It would be nice to see community growth and the creation of culture and traditions outside of shopping malls. It's worth hoping for at least.

The snow is beautiful. It also keeps me from doing anything, but I'm not complaining. Snow and fires are two things I could be content to watch indefinitely. I think company is the only thing that could make this day better.

Unfortunately, this is the one day I wanted to be not frozen because I had plans to show Daniel my favorite places for beer in Portland this weekend, but snow is a pretty good alternative ^_^

Last night I made really good spaghetti! The sauce had chunky onions and bell pepper, lots of garlic, mushrooms, cayenne pepper, chili powder, Italian seasoning, basil, Thyme, sea salt, and ground black pepper. I cooked the ground beef in a separate pan. The meat retains a lot more moisture that way than if you cook it in the microwave. You also get to decide how much fat you want in the sauce if it's cooked separately. I was lazy and just used a jar of sauce for the tomato part. It was so tasty! I haven't gotten enough garlic since I stopped being the cook, and I've missed it. I also made banana cake for a pot luck at work today, but I couldn't go to work, so we ate it this morning ^_^

What I had conjectured to be a quiet month is now filling up. First Ian decided to visit. Now Nate is returning from his tour. I am excited to see both of them, and since we won't all be trying to stay in the same place, I think there will be few or no problems. We're all fairly reasonable- I think we'll manage.

It will be really nice to have Nate back for however long ^_^ I'll have something to look forward to on the weekends, and will probably have even less motivation to work ^_~ However, the promise of financial freedom at last is enough incentive for me to stick with my commitment, and if it wasn't there's also the mooney for bike classes and wisdom teeth. I think I'll be able to honor my commitment without much difficulty.

I am enjoying that I am able to do things for myself and feel good about them. I feel full within myself, and am looking forward to finding out how other people will fit into my happiness.

(hmmmm.... didn't realize that sounded so bad till it was there. Then it was too good to change)

I am awaiting the outcome of a (hopefully) delicious cooking experiment. I wanted to roasted red bell peppers and eat them with cheese. I ended up with good mozzarella instead of goat cheese because it's so much cheaper and really tasty too. I made a base out of olive oil, cooking sherry, two slices worth of fresh squeezed OJ, rose mary, pepper, and garlic (although significantly less than I would like because my mom is sensitive to garlic). Then I chopped up mushrooms and put them in the bottom, followed by sweet onion (ring style), and the cut peppers. My mom is making pudding for dessert ^_^ They are baking in a semi covered glass pie dish at 350F, and smell wonderful! I'll edit with the end result and possibly pictures if it is worthy!

Edit: Turned out tasty enough. Next time, more garlic, less olive oil. The cheese was flavorless unfortunately, so I'll try something else. It didn't keep very well for left overs because I used too much oil. It was really good straight out of the oven though!

I drove home tonight from Tuesday Blues with my windows down and the heat turned all the way up (my toes were so toasty!). It smells like winter. There's a bit of that fresh ice scent testing the air. It was absolutely beautiful!

I am so glad that I am loving dance again freely. I'm not at all sad about my little vacation from it though. I was perfectly happy to love something else completely for a while, and I'm glad I did ^_^

At Blues, Andrew and I mimicked a washing machine for a song, then pretended that we were clothes stuck to the round edges of a front loading washer. We had a good dance, then he and Kayce had fun leading me around by pulling on the various hems of my garments ^_^ Horray! Two new awesome dance experiences and a good conversation about the banana dance I had with Andrew a long time ago!

Work is going well. I think I'm almost done with training, and I find that I am enjoying waking up early and riding to work with my brother. The woman who is teaching me is really sweet, so I get to spend my day in good company. I am also picking it up really fast, which pleases me greatly. O! And the best things about work! No customers, I have a chance to use my brain, and they heat the building!

I've decided I'm going to start sharing music with people. So many people have been kind enough to give me DVDs full of tunes, and I now feel like I have a large enough library to spread the goodness.

I think the thing that I am happiest about right now is the fact that I am content. I love being at my parent's house, which is new and pleasant. This little patch of land is really blessing me. The sky shows ar magnificent, and so many things are growing! I arrived home from work today to see a HUGE Heron perched on the corner of our barn roof. It caught my attention because I couldn't figure out how we got a new weather vane ^_^ My restlessness has also subsided. It isn't a pacing frustration anymore. It anything, it is a joyous desire to explore, that is content to rest as well. I don't feel isolated. I feel that the place I am in is the best one for me for a while. It is wonderful to be at ease.

I also have no shortage of people to love. I feel very wrapped up and full. It's new and refreshing to be content with the connections I have and not be always seeking something different.

Nate leaves on Saturday. I think I'm going to deal with it rather well.

I'm considering going to ECBF even though I really can't afford it. It would be a shame to miss it because it's my favorite dance event. I think I'll go if I can secure funding for the bike mechanics program. I'm ok with being a poor student, but if I'm not taking the course for sure I'll stay home.

Here's to the new day!
Here's to interviews, gigs, morning classes, and not having to say good bye for a little longer.
A night cap.
A new idea.
Here's to another day!

I was fairly bored today. I lacked motivation to go visiting, and funds to go out. Even though I saved $2 when the bus passed me, and the driver gave me a free day pass ^_^.

So I haunted Craigslist for quite a while. I've been hooked on the bikes page since I decided to get one. It actually is pointless as I sent my money  and some hopes to Olympia with Nate in case he finds a good bike there. The bike page doesn't update that quickly, so I started looking at the Personals out of curiosity. They provided plenty of shocks and laughs. There are actually some decent people on there too. The only person I wrote to is a college guy who mentioned an interest in tight lacing. For him, not whoever is looking at his ad. He was nice enough to divert me for a while through a good email conversation. I was surprised at the number of people who want at least snuggles. Everyone needs a little love, huh?

I'm not quite sure that there is a point to this post, but I warned you, I'm bored ^_^

I wonder how I'll get the bike if Nate finds one...

O! and I'll be at blues this week. I may even attempt to ride there even though my bike is a single speed until further notice.

Last night I bought a bike for $30. It's a fair price because it's not worth more at the moment, but it works. It's a teal Ventura (Huffy by another name) steel diamond frame 10 speed from the 80's. It has drop bars and may be too small for me. All the cables are seized up and will need replacing. The front brake currently works. Also the brake levers have plastic bases which are cracked and should be replaced later but work (the suicide brakes don't function however). The shifter levers are located on the headset. They will need to be replaced as they are also plastic and one of the them snapped off.  They are friction shifters and I would like to keep them that way, replace them with bar end shifters, or find another bike with friction shifters (most likely)*. It has Shimano derailleurs. I will find out how functional they are if I figure out how to do the cables. The back derailleur says its a Shimano "skylark". The saddle is gray , and the peddles are basic metal with no clips of any kind. The tires and tubes are new. The front one is newer. It still has the little rubber nubs. The back one has had very little wear. There is rust. Not too bad in any particular place though. Looking at it now and thinking about it, I think I would be better off selling it instead of trying to fix it up completely. I would like to take it apart and clean it, and maybe try to replace the cables.

I'll post pictures when I get my camera home and can upload them.

*Friction shifters are adjusted manually to make the drerailleur slip into gear as opposed to indexed shifter which slip into the gear corresponding to whatever notch. I like the idea of friction shifters and want to try riding with them for a while.

And I would walk 500 more
To be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at your door
Da-dat-da..."
^_^

Well, maybe not 500 miles, my body gave out at 16, but it felt like 500 miles.

I am prodigiously proud of myself. I feel like I accomplished something big. What, I'm not sure, but it's a good sort of achievement.

This is how it went:

11:55 am: Depart S Spangler Rd and Casto in Oregon City, OR
12:43-45 pm: Break in front of 14941 S Carus Rd
12:56 pm: Pears! Random pears splattered all over the road. I found a few mostly whole ones on the shoulder and decided to bring them along.
1:26 pm: Ferguson = Dead end (Google lies!)
1:34 pm: Left on Beaver Creek
2:03 pm: Rediscover Ferguson (Road sign lies?)
2:35 pm: Right on Henrici and take a break
3:39 pm: Call from Mom
3:52 pm: Arrive at Redland Rd and break
4:45 pm: Left foot cramps- stop to rub it out on Hattan Rd
4:54 pm: Blue Berries! Huge bush full of unpicked berries... I helped myself and didn't even make a dent.
5:23 pm: Carver Park Boat Launch- stop to rest my foot and refill my water bottles
About 6:45: Limping along OR-224 (I think I probably looked pretty miserable), a nice looking young man walking to his car asked me if I was alright and if I needed a ride. I asked where he was headed. We were going the same way, so I asked if he could get me to Sunnyside Rd. I hobbled the few yards back down the road to his car. I was so thankful to sit down! His name was Brent Barton, and amusingly enough, he is running for state representative. He had been out promoting his campaign when we met on the road. We talked about Silicon Valley (as I have recently returned from there and he went to Stanford) and his campaign platform (because he wanted me to vote for him ^_^). He also was rather concerned that I was in trouble of some kind. I assured him I wasn't and surprised him by telling him I just wanted to see if I could do it and get my book back from a friend (Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy). I haven't registered to vote, and don't really plan on it, but I'd make the effort to vote for that guy if I was in his district. What better reason to vote for someone than because they gave you a ride?
6:06 pm: arrive at "Pliska Estates"

This is the route I took:

Walking directions to OR-224

1.	Head east on S Spangler Rd toward OR-213		1.2 mi
2.	Turn left at OR-213		0.9 mi
3.	Turn right at S Carus Rd		2.8 mi
4.	Turn left at S Beavercreek Rd		1.5 mi
5.	Turn right at S Ferguson Rd		1.5 mi
6.	Turn right at S Henrici Rd		1.0 mi
7.	Turn right to stay on S Henrici Rd		2.8 mi
8.	Turn left at S Redland Rd		0.1 mi
9.	Turn right at S Fischers Mill Rd		0.2 mi
10.	Turn left at S Hattan Rd		3.3 mi
11.	Turn left at S Springwater Rd		0.3 mi
12.	Slight left at OR-224		0.5 mi

I'm really glad I did it, even if my foot is not pleased with me. I've been curious to see how far I could go in a day for a long time. I've read a lot of books in which the characters take long epic journeys on foot. This helped put that in perspective. I learned that I really want a bike. It's a far more efficient way to travel both in distance covered and physical effort. The fact that Trimet raised fares also adds to my desire for a bike. I like riding the bus and will continue to do so, but it's really stupid for me to pay $86 a month for a pass when I could put that money into a much more flexible form of transportation.

My foot is healing up nicely. On Monday I could barely walk less than a mile to Nate's house. Yesterday I made that trip twice with few problems. I expect to be able to go dancing next Tuesday. I think that it's some sort of strain from walking on the same side of the road. The roads are crowned so my left foot was pushing off a slope while my right foot was able to walk more level.

I had a welcome epiphany during my walk. In my last post I said that I felt that something was wrong with me and was hoping I would have time to discover the problem and find a solution while walking. It was surprisingly simple. There's nothing wrong with me.

Edit: one of my friends gave me this link after reading this post ^_^ xkcd.com/461/ xkcd!

Walking always helps me sort through whatever is on my mind. I'm not quite sure what's on my mind. I feel a bit antsy. I want to travel. I will do it by foot. I cooked up a crazy idea to walk until I can figure out what's going on with me and still have enough time to cook up a solution. Google maps has a cool new feature to show walking directions (which probably would double well as biking directions).  I picked a destination. It's around 20 miles. Estimated time is 7 hours. I think that I will follow through with it (weather and Google willing ^_^). And if I decide to move on that day, I'll be near transit. Hell, I'll just walk some more.

A lot has happened. I've lived in California. Another Kumoricon has passed. I've finally started to work on Juggling and took my first long bike ride (10 miles?). I've even been hiking off trail in the Gorge and conquered an impressively sheer hill. I feel more alive and present than perhaps ever, but I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Regardless, I feel like I can do whatever I like. It's nice to not be stuck.

I turned 21 at Rocky Horror at the Clinton Street theater! Lots of fun, Rum, and rice. I got spanked (HARD) by the cast (and Karen Maria) ^_~ I had marks. What's a birthday without marks?

<3

I still have no idea what the movie is about...